dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
a search helicopter?!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
