FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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