So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
