The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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