I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
