there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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