I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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