he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
