her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
