Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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