when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
