You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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