Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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