i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
