It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
