dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
