Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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