It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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