If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
