arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You brought string cheese to the strip club
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
