My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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