youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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