Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
