The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
