Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
