Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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