now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
