We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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