So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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