That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
