I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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