I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
