She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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