i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
