why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
