I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
