Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
