We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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