Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
