I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
