Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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