kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
