who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
