it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
