____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
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