His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
