I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just invented taco cereal.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
