So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
