just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
