So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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