I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
