You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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