that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
