Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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