from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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