I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Let's get the cat blown out
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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