Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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