Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
