$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
