he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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