I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
