she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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