smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
