on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
